Story 1

I've got the first story m'self fer ye to hear.

'Twas 'bout a year ago, by the Spanish Main, some 3 days north of Caracas, I believe. I was sailin' westwards, in th' dirct'n of Coro. One paticularly quiet and calm light I went out to th' deck to see if those bleedin' drunkards keep watch as they were ordered. An' guess what, I found Rodi, a deck boy, lyin' on th' upper deck and gazin' at the star illuminated sky. What a lazy little bastard, I thought to m'self. Dreamin' on duty - I was goin' to send 'im to clean da whole ship, but th' berk heard me and got up. Somethin' shiny flashed on 'is neck.

"GOLD!!!" I shout'd and leap'd forward. I can sense a slightest amount o' gold fer a mile. This little useless sod had a gold necklace! Th' deck boy must've sensed my intentions, 'cause he jumped backwards and tried to run.

"Stop where ye are, ya dirty rotten son of a maggot and a slug! Wherd'ya take th' necklace fr'm?" I shouted at th' boy.

"I ain't stolen it, sir, I swear! It's mine." The little bastard was almost in tears har, har, har.

"It's mine from now on" I extended my 'and. "Give it or I'll give ye to th' Pete th' Cook."

His eyes widened. Pete th'Cook was after me th' most feared person on board. Only th' most tough bloods dared to question taste of 'is meals. Even fewer ever dared t' ask where does he take the meat from.

"Please, ya can't take it. 'tis the only thin' I've got after my mother. The only thing I've got."

"I'll buy it then. Would ya sell it for a million pesos?" I asked 'im calmly.

'is eyes opened even wider "I.. I.. I..."

"See this cannon over there? Its soddin' cannonballs're worth half million pesos each. Take two and gimme th' goddamned necklace"

Then he got angry "Y'must be jokin' capt'n" he clenched his fists and readied 'imself for th' attack.

"Har, har, har! Sure I was jokin', ya little worm. Get back ta work."

Ya know, if Rodi turned out to be coward I would'va taken th' soddin' necklace and sent 'im to th' locker, that's sure as Hispaniola is huge. Only hard men are allow'd to sail wit' us on th' 'Factol Skall'.

Story 2

Me got anoth'r story fer ya, maties.

"We shouldn'va loot Saba, cap'n" said Paul Namierre, my chief mate and put down th' spyglass.

"Shut yer scar, leatherhead!" I was foamin' angry. The two small white squares on th' horizon were closin' quite fast. We were still 'bout 50 miles west of St. Kitts and were sailin' against th' strong wind. If 'twasn't enough, 'Factol Skall' and 'Thor's Hammer' were so heavily loaded with goods looted from th' recently sacked city of Saba, that we were hardly faster than a cow, that's sure as th' carcass is smelly.

"They're two Dutch frigates! It's your damned fault, cap'n Crash!" he shouted.

I struck 'im down jus' where he stood. I won't tolerate no soddin' disobedience, that's sure as th' Havana whores are pretty. I turned to my boys. "Watcha starin' at? We'll put up a fight, we can't run. Crew the cannons!"

The boys were really scared. I guess they were closer to mutiny then I could have known. Outa sheer fear of my wrath they did as I ordered.

My rig was simple - try to outmaneouver the frigates so that one of 'em would block th' other, all th' time tragetin' th' hull with a double shot from both Factol Skall and Thor's Hammer. If it worked out, we'd have adventage of fightin' one frigate at a time. At first it seemed to work. The Dutch captains seemed quite inexperienced - they broke 'eir formation and one that was faster was approachin' way too quickly. We were prepared for 'im when he got in range. The powerful salvos from both Factol Skall an' Thor's Hammer hit 'im so hard that he began t' take on water before he even turned. He jus' fired once or twice and went down. The second frigate arrived, tho, so there was no time to celebrate. This'un was tough. He blew a big hole in Thor's Hammer, so I 'ad to order 'em to retreat and continue th' fight on me own. I've lost some men out there, but finally beaten 'im down. 'Twas a h*ll of a fight, that's sure as Tortuga is safe.

We barely sailed to th St.Kitts, but it was worth it. I got some 50.000 pesos for th' plundered cargo. We were drinkin' all night long!

Story 3

In th' port of Araya, nearby Cumana, me an'me boys were crowding in th' local taverns and brothels. Jus' when I was finishin' my twelvth mug o' rum i noticed a strange lookin' fella sittin' by th' next table. He was black, but had no chains nor other mark of bein' held captive. Black man free? I asked m'self. This sod must be a real blood if he was able to avoid bein' scragged by any of them soddin' slave keepers. He was tall an' skinny and was smoking a kind of cigar. His hair was one 'ell of a mess, with thick strands o' hair that looked like ropes or somethin' hangin' on all sides. The sod smiled at me broadly and said

"Jah with you, mon"

I'd no soddin' clue what 'e was babblin' 'bout, that's sure as me boys are fierce. He sat down next to me.

"I and I heard about ya, mon. Y'be Crash, ain't ya? This a good tales I hears." he talked somewhat strange.

"An' who th' **** are you?" full of suspicions I put my hand on my blade, ready to draw it in no time.

"Be I a traveller, Jimmy. I and I come from Jamaica, mon."

"An' wharrya doin' in 'ere?"

"I and I gather some herbs over th' islands. Some good are for smoking, mon. Brings me luck. If ya wanna try it, I could give ya some to try it out"

Jimmy said he would throw some of his herbs on my flagship. I was jus' s'posed to burn it an' th' luck would smile upon me. I could give it a try, why not.

When I went to th' 'Factol Skall' th' next morning I saw a big pile of dried leaves lying on th' deck just beside the mast. What I was s'posed to do with such an amount of some soddin' herbs? I decided to leave it as it is.

We sailed westwards fer many days, but there were no sign of sails on th' horizon. The boys were gettin' nervous, and thee was nothin' to plunder from. Then I reminded m'self about th' lucky herbs. This Jimmy fella said to burn it, so I took a torch an' litted the pile of leaves lying beside th' mast. An' guess what " nothin' happened " the herbs burned down with no effect. Only th' guy in th' crow's nest began to laugh histerically. He just couldn't stop. 'Twas so soddin' irritating, that I grabbed a musket and aimed at th' berk. Then a powerful tremor shook th' 'Factol Skall' and I heard a terrible noise of splinterin' wood. We sailed on the reef! Nice lucky herbs! Why didn't th' crow's nest man warn us, I was wanderin'

The damage to th' hull was quite severe, we had to dock on th' nearby beach for serious repairs. 'Twas about my worst luck I had in years. If I only could get this black traitor in me hands, I'll keelhaul 'im a few times, that's sure as Pete th'Cook is dirty.

Somethin' strange happen'd on tha beach, tho. One of my scurvy seadogs ran to me sayin' I should see th' sand. I punched 'im in th' face fer stupid jokes, but he said 'e was serious. Well, he was right, th' sand looked strange. It looked is if it was... well... swept. As if someone was tryin' to hide his tracks. Me boys even found a footstep on th' sand. Intrigued we went further into th' beach. Believe me or not, we've found a treasure chest! 'Twas still intact. It must've been buried no more than two night before! 60000 pesos and 'bout 60 jewels! Now we were ready to divide th' plunder.

Well, mebbe thes' lucky herbs brought us some soddin' luck aft'r all.

Story 4

Ahoy, maties. Enjoy yer stay in th' Ye House of Pyrates - th' place of dubious honour to be th' worst hole west of San Juan, that's sure as my sword is deadly. I've another story fer ye ta hear.

About 2 years ago I was planning to attack Margarita. I gathered my sturdy cutthroats together and durin' th' cover of 'th' night landed on tha beach. We tried ta sneak quietly to surprise th' sleepin' town. We would catch 'em Spaniards totally off-guard. I wus already smilin' when I thought 'bout th' treasures we would loot. All of a sudden th' quiet nite turned into one bloody inferno. Th' muskets were firin' at us from all sides and explosions from th' grenedes deafened me fer awhile. The lil' fort standin' on th' hill was also firin' at me mates. My boys were dyin' fast. I sceamed in rage and ran into th' bushes nearby, bashin' th' brains out of a soldier hidin' there. I shouted fer me boys to gather 'round me. I wus determined to break through. The night was still terrifyingly noisy. I hacked th' bushes in rage when I saw how few of me boys made it here. One thin' wus cert'n fer me. Th' Spaniards knew exactly when an' where await us. One of me mates must'va betrayed us, that's sure as th' wenches from Trinidad are hot.

The main Spanish forces cut us out from the beach. 'Twas impossible fer us to hack our way back to th' 'Factol Skall', so I ordered my weary men to advance towards th' town itself. Th' Spaniards must'va been surprised by this man'ouver, as we encountered light resistance on 'r way to Margarita. Most of them soddin' Spaniards were behind us, between us and our frigate. I run into a nearby buildin'. Jus' as I suspect'd the kip was empty, only th' ol' furniture was left inside. Even th' soddin' pottery was taken away.

There was no doubts - th' Spaniards wer' well prepared fer our friendly visit to Margarita. We've been betrayed.

I'll pause fer a moment, ye scurvy dogs. Me throat need some rum b'fore continuin'. Also my peery eye caught a glimpse of some nice maid outside. I'll be back soon, har, har, har!

Ahem, I came back to finish my story from Margarita. Glad ta see yer still 'ere, ye worm-infested bastids.

As I said yesterday me and th' rest of me boys entered th' city of Margarita, only to see it deserted and completely devoid of any riches. Even though I was soddin' angry, we'd no time to waste. Them Spanish soldiers were chasin' us on our way to th' town, an' were not very far away. There was not a single sod in th' entire town, so we gather'd some torches an th' like and threw 'em onto the roofs of th' buildings. Most of th' houses caught fire at once. At least we had some revenge. We kept runnin' towards th' centre of th' town, burnin' and destroyin' everythin' we could, that's sure as pirates have bad breath.

I had few torches m'self. Jus' as I enter'd a back alley to throw th' burnin' torches on th' nearby roofs, a dark-cloaked figure stepped out of th' shadows. Th' moonlight reflected from th' long, slender rapier in 'is hand. I instinctively drew my sturdy ol' sabre, tryin' to see th'hooded face of my opponent. Th' figure before me looked somewhat familiar. We stood silently against each other for a while, our blades raised. Suddenly th' figure threw back 'is hood. The cascade of long golden hair fell on her shoulders.

Joanne Galoise! My first mate on th' 'Factol Skall'. She was also known among me boys as Th' Nasty One, Poison Lips, The Bitch an' a dozen other names. She laugh'd softly seein' my surprise. She was s'posed to be on th' 'Factol Skall'! I remember she fell sick a day b'fore and said she won't be able to take part in th' raid. But there she was standin' b'fore me healthy an' cute as always.

Drop this piece of iron, cap'n, there's no use resistin'." she was still smilin', the slimy whore.

Even b'fer she spoke I already knew who wus th' traitor. She wus workin' fer da Spaniards! That's why she resisted to come with us. She knew wot awaite'd us on our way to th' town. I raised my blade higher.

Why?" I asked quietly. 'Twas a strange feelin'. I was... sad? Nay, that's not it. Strange feelin' indeed. If I wus t' be betrayed, I'd prefer if it was... somebody else. I had... some certain... plans concernin' her... Future plans... Well, 'twas th'end. I felt... empty - yea, that's th' word.

But wait a sec, ya scurvy rat eaters! What am I babblin' 'bout? I wus s'posed to tell ya th' tale, meanwhile ye caught me on a rare moment of th' soddin' melancholy! Bwah! Forget I said anythin', ye soddin' sods, get it? Cap'n Crash ne'er gets soft 'bout memories, remember that well! <spit>

Joanne replied me simply: Money! I did it fer money, ye stinky whoreson. Whaddya expect of me? There's a price on yer greasy 'ead, an' I've got enough to be a first mate. I'm more suited to be th' cap'n. Captain Galoise! These money'll lemme start my career. Prepare to die, Crash!"

Ye disgustin' maggot. Ye pig vomit! I may be a thief an' a murderer, but I ne'er betrayed my cap'n neither any of me boys, when I'm in charge. Th' only thin' honourable that's left in me is my loyalty. Ye'll ne'er be a good cap'n if ye don't realise it, bitch!" I struck 'er wit' me blade, but she wus damned fast. Dodged my deadly blow wit' such an ease... it wus gonna be a tough fight. Poison Lips seemed enraged by m' last words.

Better cap'n than you, ya emptyheaded bastard! Go to 'ell with yer goddamned loyalty!" Only by sheer luck I managed to parry her wild thrusts. Her speed wus astonishin'. My best swings, that any swordsman on th' coast would be proud of, looked all but clumsy when compared to Joanne's catlike grace.

I realised I was still alive only b'cause she was toyin' wit' me. She 'ad enough easy situations to add my name to Th' Dead-Book, but she seemed to enjoy prolongin' th' fight, bloody whore.

Ye consider yerself a swordsman?" Poison Lips was teasin' me a bleedin' farmer'd do better than you" she laughed and pierced my left arm as easily as if she could do it a lot earlier. I fell to th' ground. Couldn't move th' arm. She stood o'er me and laugh'd. I grabbed a handful of dirt and threw it in 'er laughin' face. She stumbled backwards, holdin' her eyes. Th' smile was gone. I got up and kicked 'er wit' all my might in th' crotch. She screamed loudly and curled on th' ground. Gee, I didn't know it work'd on women too. I ran to her and punched 'er in her pretty face with th' handle o' my sabre. I heard th' sound of breakin' bones. I decided not to kill 'er. Livin' with this ruin of a face'd be far worse punishment fer th' bloody treachery. I gathered my boys and ran towards th' docks. My arm hurt badly, but it could be worse. In few weeks it'd be as new. Jus' as I thought, me mateys were jus' as canny as I wanted 'em to be. Factol Skall already waited fer us by th' empty dock.

Even though we were happy we made it in one piece, I still feel as if I lost something more than jus' some blood in that alley out there. I dunno, 'tis a strange world.

Oh, bloody 'ell, my keg is empty! Baaarmaaaaaaiid!!!!

Story 5

I clearly remember a day when it all has started. I was ten or somethin' like that. I wus never sure 'bout my age. 'Twas in Antigua, th' island I s'pose I was born on. There was nothin' special 'bout this day. I got hungry in th' mornin' so I went to th' city market to steal some food. That was a bit tough, 'cause most merchants knew me very well. Life wus not easy back then. Sleepin' under th' sky wus not that bad until th' rainy seasons came. Gettin' food for a homeless orphan wus more of a problem. I always considered m'self above beggin', so I prefered to steal everythin' I needed to survive.

I sneaked past th' pair of soldiers standin' nearby and mixed with th' crowd at th' market. In the big mass of people, no one paid attention to a little dirty urchin. I waited till th' merchants were busy dealin' with some of th' clients and then swiftly grabbed a loaf of still warm bread and two small pieces of cake. I put th' cake in my mouth at once. Then I put th' bread under my tattered shirt and walked away. That wus easy, at least i thought so until I felt someone grab my by th' cloth on th' back of my neck and lift me off th' ground. He turned me over to look at my terrified face.

"Say, what do we have in here. A young thief, hmmm." it was the captain of the city guards. I was in trouble.

"I didn't steal a thing, sir!" with my mouth full of cake I didn't sound very convincin'

"It's a great luck, that the governor ordered us to erect a new gallows. You'll be honoured to be the first hanged on it." despite his terrifying words he seemed quite amused. "By the way, what's your name, thief?"

"Crash!" I said and put my finger in 'is left eye. He released me at once, howling like a madman. I ran as fast as I could towards th' docks. I knew a lot of good hidin' places there. The soldiers were running after me. I knew th' docks very well. I spent so much time watchin' th' sailors and the ships, that I knew exactly th' dockin' procedures and unloadin' th' cargo.

Nevertheless I jumped into one of th' forgotten crate and pulled over th' lid. Th' soddin' soldiers would never find me there. They were searching for me fer a long time, but soon my eyes closed and I fell asleep.

When I woke up I had th' strange feelin' that th' ground was movin'. I was on the ship on th' open sea. What's more it wus a pirate ship. The sailors soon found me. At first they tried to feed me to th' sharks, but I kicked and bitten the so fiercely, that they decided let me stay if i was to clean th' ship.

I made it from th' deck to th' sailor few years after. Later cap'n said I'd make fine mate. Well, now I'm a cap'n m'self. Say, isn't th' fate strange?

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